Hip, hip hooray!

A lot is made of the importance of couples sharing the hard times in life. Did you know that research shows that it is at least as important to share the good times? Couples that focus on the positive stay married longer and enjoy their marriages more than couples that focus on the negative. You might say, "Yeah, but those positive couples probably have less negative stuff to deal with." Actually, no.

While couples need to learn to manage the hard stuff--grief, anger, disappointments, etc.--they won't feel deeply connected and joyful together unless they also know how to share the happy times. That means, first of all, actually noticing the good stuff when it happens. Then, we have to acknowledge it--to ourselves and to each other.

If your spouse is excited about a new opportunity, try to match his excitement with your own. If she is celebrating an accomplishment, throw her a party. If he had a good day, reflect that without immediately piling on with your own day's frustrations. If something good happens for your partner, take a quick minute to breathe a prayer of gratitude--together.

How we handle the hard stuff is important. Let's just remember that it's not all hard stuff!